There are several things about this kind of wedding which never failed to get on my nerves and it is not because I am a sour grape for being single at this advanced age.
Far from being accused as a bigot or culturally insensitive, I really detest the dispensable part where the poor bridegroom and his entourage of brothers are subjected to unnecessary humiliation, time wastage, frustration and stress when they attempt to collect the bride.
Rest assured that upon reaching the bride’s residence, her selected friends (“chi-muis”) will stand guard behind the locked gates, grilles and doors to sadistically demand the guys to perform all sorts of mindless and insulting acts before they are allowed to go past the barricades and collect the bride. Of course being the typical materialistic Chinese that they are, they will also opportunistically ask for money. What a convenient way to boost their coffers.
The acts are usually symbolic under the pretext of testing the bridegroom’s love for his wife. Girls, please come to your senses, do you have to do this? If he doesn’t love her, why would he ask for her hand in the first place? Most often than not, the groom and his friends will have to either eat or drink the girls’ concocted food and drinks that tortuously stimulate our tongues’ taste-bud. Have mercy on us!
For those who are about to go through this ritual, I will share 2 ways to avoid yielding to their antics. First of all, you can choose to just sit outside and do nothing because clock ticks away and by a certain hour, the bride will have to leave the room and follow you to your house anyway, as any further delay will not be auspicious; according to Chinese beliefs. The other one is to bring along an insect aerosol can and when your patience has reached its limit, duly spray the contents under the room door. This is a sure-fire way to get all the occupants to open the door in no time.
To be honest, initially I had the impression that this was a fairly recent phenomenon because most of my relatives who got married didn’t incorporate this into their wedding, not until I clarified with my friends that I realise we had this all along. Boy, am I glad my relatives didn’t have this or else I would be bored to death. When I finally meet my match sent from above, you can bet your bottom Ringgit that I will try to coax her out of this shenanigan.
Next on my list of pet hate regarding Chinese wedding is the need to invite a professional, for the lack of suitable term; I shall call them clown. This clown is ubiquitous in most Chinese weddings, tends to talk non-stop and frankly speaking, I think they are so out of place in today’s world. Do you genuinely believe that by spewing some “pleasing to the ears” phrases, the couples would live happily ever after? That being the case, there wouldn’t be Chinese divorcees in Malaysia today. The naivety of some people really stumps me.
Not to be outdone, I have to put up with the inconsiderate wedding dinner guests who are always tardy in showing up for the couple’s big day. I think this ugly trait is something unique to us, the Malaysian Chinese. I remember not too long ago, MCA embarked on a noble campaign to educate the local Chinese to be punctual for wedding dinners. Unsurprisingly, they have failed. Two factors lead these inconsiderate guests to show up late deliberately. First, they don’t want to be seen as greedy by arriving early. What kind of sick mentality is this? The second factor is because these people think it’s worthless to go there early because the rest will show up late anyway.
Last but not least, while dinner is underway, there will be many people going to the stage to spoil our dinner experience by croaking out loud. These amateurish singers think they are so talented in the singing department that they have to make a spectacle of themselves and in the process, torture my failing eardrums.
Still, Malaysian Chinese is more civilised than our counterparts in Taiwan and Hong Kong because I’ve been told by reliable sources that the wedding dinner organisers there will unashamedly open up your red packets in your presence and proceed to announce out loud the amount of money you have given them.
I pray hard we won’t go down the same path because if we do, I will definitely not attend any Chinese wedding dinner anymore.
Rest assured that upon reaching the bride’s residence, her selected friends (“chi-muis”) will stand guard behind the locked gates, grilles and doors to sadistically demand the guys to perform all sorts of mindless and insulting acts before they are allowed to go past the barricades and collect the bride. Of course being the typical materialistic Chinese that they are, they will also opportunistically ask for money. What a convenient way to boost their coffers.
The acts are usually symbolic under the pretext of testing the bridegroom’s love for his wife. Girls, please come to your senses, do you have to do this? If he doesn’t love her, why would he ask for her hand in the first place? Most often than not, the groom and his friends will have to either eat or drink the girls’ concocted food and drinks that tortuously stimulate our tongues’ taste-bud. Have mercy on us!
For those who are about to go through this ritual, I will share 2 ways to avoid yielding to their antics. First of all, you can choose to just sit outside and do nothing because clock ticks away and by a certain hour, the bride will have to leave the room and follow you to your house anyway, as any further delay will not be auspicious; according to Chinese beliefs. The other one is to bring along an insect aerosol can and when your patience has reached its limit, duly spray the contents under the room door. This is a sure-fire way to get all the occupants to open the door in no time.
To be honest, initially I had the impression that this was a fairly recent phenomenon because most of my relatives who got married didn’t incorporate this into their wedding, not until I clarified with my friends that I realise we had this all along. Boy, am I glad my relatives didn’t have this or else I would be bored to death. When I finally meet my match sent from above, you can bet your bottom Ringgit that I will try to coax her out of this shenanigan.
Next on my list of pet hate regarding Chinese wedding is the need to invite a professional, for the lack of suitable term; I shall call them clown. This clown is ubiquitous in most Chinese weddings, tends to talk non-stop and frankly speaking, I think they are so out of place in today’s world. Do you genuinely believe that by spewing some “pleasing to the ears” phrases, the couples would live happily ever after? That being the case, there wouldn’t be Chinese divorcees in Malaysia today. The naivety of some people really stumps me.
Not to be outdone, I have to put up with the inconsiderate wedding dinner guests who are always tardy in showing up for the couple’s big day. I think this ugly trait is something unique to us, the Malaysian Chinese. I remember not too long ago, MCA embarked on a noble campaign to educate the local Chinese to be punctual for wedding dinners. Unsurprisingly, they have failed. Two factors lead these inconsiderate guests to show up late deliberately. First, they don’t want to be seen as greedy by arriving early. What kind of sick mentality is this? The second factor is because these people think it’s worthless to go there early because the rest will show up late anyway.
Last but not least, while dinner is underway, there will be many people going to the stage to spoil our dinner experience by croaking out loud. These amateurish singers think they are so talented in the singing department that they have to make a spectacle of themselves and in the process, torture my failing eardrums.
Still, Malaysian Chinese is more civilised than our counterparts in Taiwan and Hong Kong because I’ve been told by reliable sources that the wedding dinner organisers there will unashamedly open up your red packets in your presence and proceed to announce out loud the amount of money you have given them.
I pray hard we won’t go down the same path because if we do, I will definitely not attend any Chinese wedding dinner anymore.
1 comment:
Nice to know that many shares the same opinion as me, the topic of "Wedding" was directed to me recently and the one thing that I can't shake of from that word is the "Sisters" part.
I don't have a girlfriend right now but I can't help but dread that aspect, probably need to get to know her friends more when my other half finally comes by.
As for the "Clown" and "Singer", they are miniscule compare to the sister. I can't really think of any particular reasons for the singer to be there, but the "Clown" is more like a Ritual Advisor.
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