Police Roadblocks are everywhere!

Hari Raya is coming soon and it's common knowledge that prior to festivals, people need money to do shopping.

I've been noticing for years that usually 1 month prior to Hari Raya Puasa, our policemen are very hardworking and dedicated in setting up roadblocks.

Is it because they are worried about our welfare since this is the time where crime rate usually shoots up? While I'm worried for robbers and thugs, I'm equally worried for robbers and thugs in uniform.

While you are travelling, be it long or short distance, please be extra diligent in following the traffic rules. Also, do renew your road tax if it has expired.

Before I end this short note, don't ever make a conclusion that the roadblocks are set up with dubious intention.

Our policemen are a dedicated lot and they will do their utmost to keep crimes at bay including nabbing the Mamak gang who have been known to don police uniform while executing their "duties".

I am very sure that when Raya comes, roadblocks won't be as ubiquitous anymore until the following year, especially a month before the festival.

It's a pattern I've been observing all this while. Have you, too?

I support you, policemen! Still, I will be very careful not to run afoul of the traffic rules

"Wonderful" girls I love to hate

No, I’m not sexist at all. Why should I, when I was brought into this world, by a woman (and a man too, actually)?

In fact, I love the fairer gender to smithereens. Mildly put, world without them is dull.

But there are some girls who cook my raw nerves to well done.

I’ve categorised them as follows:

Materialistic girls

They befriend you on the basis of your fat bank account(s). Their favourite haunt is the nightspot. Some have mastered the skills of segregating the poor from the rich by merely looking at the car key you put on the table. If you don’t drive a woman-magnet car but still want to nail down this particular girl, I advise you to keep your key in a less conspicuous place. After you have done so, try forking out a lot of dough into buying alcohol in abundance. No, beer won’t do it.

Once your order is placed on the table, only then proceed to ask the girl and her cohorts to go to your table.

If you think detecting your car keys is bad, how about those who ask you at point-blank, what car you drive before even getting to know your name?

Tell you something, mate. You can have the girl(s) and I will go back on my own and watch my DVDs.

How I wish my nasty side leads me tell them to look at themselves in the mirror before expecting their male potential suitors to be well-endowed with cash.

Conceited girls

I’ve fallen victim to these girls for far too many times. When I was younger (not long ago), some acquaintances bragged to their friends that I always called them up. Slanderous! Tell me, how did I manage to call when I didn’t even have their contact numbers in the first place?

There are also girls who think they resemble Angelina Jolie that when I try to be friendly with them, I must be harbouring ulterior motives. Get a life! If I want to know you better, doesn’t mean I want to bed you. It’s just that I’m warm by nature.

The supra-arrogant girls

Usually these girls are good looking, or so they think. This gives them a license to be stuck-up and reject any friendly overtures. You may be good looking but I’m not all for looks, all right? There you go; the above are girls who repel me to the dunny.

Not that you are interested to know which type of girls is on top of my favourite list but I will share it with you, anyhow. Drum rolls, please.

The Intellectually-stimulating kind

I simply adore girls who are knowledgeable and can readily engage in thought-provoking discussions. If these girls show a taste for good music and with good family upbringing, they are Goddesses.

Do such girls exist?

Yes, in my dreams. Speaking of which, I’m going to catch forty-winks now.

I'm a polyglot and proud of it

Many foreign nationalities including the mainland Chinese envy Malaysians no end for being multi-lingual. I can speak Hokkien, Cantonese, English and Malay language and still lament the fact that I cannot speak Tamil, Hakka and Chinese.

Still, it’s better than being monolingual. Countless studies have shown the ability to converse different languages is beneficial to one’s mental well-being. On a personal level, this mastery allows me to bitch about someone else in front of the subject without feeling guilty.

Yet, many Malaysians view their ability to speak in languages a liability. Yes, I’m specifically referring to the pretentious people. Indians and Chinese are the culprits. Apart from their family members and childhood friends, no one knows this special ability of theirs.

Why? It’s because they try to project to their other friends that they can only speak in English and nothing else, possibly borne from the skewed thinking that English language gives an image of sophistication and dialects make them seen as somewhat inferior in the eyes of their peers.

I have such friends. Some know Tamil or other Chinese dialects but claim otherwise and to compound matters, they try to speak English with Western accents. Have they no pride in their own heritage?

When I was in Australia, a friend of mine initially feigned ignorance of Cantonese but when she got a boyfriend from Hong Kong, suddenly she could speak the dialect! What a miracle. Alleluia! Needless to say, I see her as bloody pretentious.

Don’t ever mask your linguistic ability because monolingual foreigners really do hold us up in high esteem if you possess such skill.

My advice: If you have it, flaunt and wear it like a badge of honour!

Arrogant, Snobbish, Snooty, Stuck-up, High & Mighty, Aloof, Haughty, Supercilious & Toffee-nosed

Lest you think the title of this writing refers to my character, please perish that thought. Done? Thanks for your co-operation.

Now, let’s move on. Unless you are dense, by now, you would have formed a general impression of what this writing is about. Yes, you guessed it right- ARROGANCE!

Arrogant fools are easily identifiable by the swagger they carry, that certain smirk on their faces, the daggers look they give to others and the group of people they mix with.Arrogant fools are very discriminatory when it comes to befriending people. The saying “Birds of a feather flock together” rings true with these fools. They carefully choose friends whom they think fit into their mould of arrogance.

Compared to English accent-fakers, I am ready to wage my life that you cross paths with arrogant fools on a more regular basis. These scary and despicable creatures are everywhere but why do some people choose to be arrogant?

Let me theorise, it stems from the person’s irrational thinking that he is better than others in certain areas, chiefly on intelligence, appearance, wealth and ability. But what the arrogant fools fail to realise is that there are many other people who are better than them.

Being arrogant only gives the fool a false sense of superiority over others. Some people who perceive they are higher educated, earn more and in better jobs might act arrogantly towards their fellow human beings without a care for their feelings.

I don’t know about your philosophy in life but for me, I will never discriminate someone based on his occupation. Most jobs however menial they are, do serve a purpose. Imagine life without road sweepers, toilet cleaners, gravediggers, garbage collectors or even prostitutes? The world would turn topsy-turvy.

I prefer to be down-to-earth. Try it; it’s good for the heart. Honest!

Before I conclude my jotting, what comes to your mind if I were to call you “Lan Si, Lan Yong”? It’s provocative and insulting, I know. What about your initial impression when you read the title of this writing? Negative?Now, you know how people at large view the arrogant fools.

I'm "cool" because I fake my English accent

I’m dead sure we have had the misfortune of talking to fellow Malaysians who speak in unnatural accents. If you haven’t, you are one lucky bastard. Come on, you can’t be serious; at the very least, you would have overheard these fools making a mockery of themselves in public unashamedly.

Woe betides you if you are one of these fakers (and I’m not talking about orgasm here).I’m constantly amused by strangers who try to speak like native British, American or Australian yet mispronounce simple words. There had been times I wish I could interrupt their comical conversation and advise them to get their basics right before trying to act all high and mighty.

Pretenders always try to speak with certain twang, depending on which country they have affinity for. For example, someone who’s an Anglophile will try to speak like a Briton or someone who’s enamoured with American pop culture will naturally try to speak like a Yankee. To me, these people are just highly insecure about themselves.Instead of providing us with cheap entertainment, they should take a leaf out of the French, Spaniards’ or Italians’ books because these people speak English in their native accents, proudly! Ironically, these unwitting entertainers always find the Europeans’ accented English very sexy.

Have you ever noticed that when native English speakers of various countries meet up, they do not try to mimic the others’ accents? Instead, their natural accents are more pronounced than ever. I hazard a guess that individually, they proudly embrace their own accents. So, why can’t Malaysians do the same?

Don’t get me wrong, there are indeed many Malaysians who can speak English in foreign accents yet sound natural but these people constitute the minority group. Usually, these Real McCoys have been abroad for a reasonable time. Therefore, it is only natural for them to pick up the localised accents by mingling with the locals. Unfortunately, there are some who have only gone abroad up to a year and when they return, will try to impress their peers by speaking in accents. Worse still, there are those who have never left our shores but strive to speak in accents, nevertheless. For me, picking up an accent is not easy due to 2 factors, the environment they are in and duration of time spent abroad.

Allow me to explain, how can one speak in foreign accented English when their fellow countrymen speak in localised accent all the time? Naturally, they will pick up the localised accent without their knowing. This is what I call the “environment factor”. Please bear with me while I attempt to illustrate this point further, I have friends who used to struggle a great deal stringing proper sentences in English when they were in Malaysia because they spoke in dialects most of the time but they improved leaps and bounds once they moved overseas.

As for duration of time affecting one’s accent, someone who has been spending a considerable time in another country, will unconsciously pick up the general accent in that place and this is brought upon by the “environment factor” as stated in the previous paragraph. Again, I would like to augment my argument; when the very same friends came back from overseas, initially they did speak naturally in foreign accented English but as time passed by, they reverted to Malaysian accented English. How was it possible? It’s the “time factor”, baby!

To make matters more acute, we also have radio announcers who try to outdo each other by speaking in unnatural accented English and again, they sound pathetic in doing so. Believe it or not, they also tend to mispronounce simple words. Some newscasters are equally guilty.

Really, I exhort Malaysians to speak English naturally and only then, will you gain respect. If you are still adamant in speaking unnaturally, please consider my well-being because by doing so, you will only torture my ears.

My maiden experience at the 2009 Rainforest World Music Festival

Being a Scrooge that I am, I didn’t know what prompted me to go to a recent music festival held from 10th to 12th July in Santubong, about 35 km north of Kuching, but go I did.

Whilst preparation for this trip was planned months in advance, the knowledge that I would be the only bloke in the female company of Adilah, Primaully, Kartini, Miow Foon and their friends - Veronica, Amy and Mei led me to suspect that it would be a fun-filled event and in the end, my premonition was vindicated.

This annual do, which started in 1997, was founded by Randy Raine-Reusch, Robert Basiuk, Edric Ong and Edgar Ong. Since then, it has grown in international stature, garnered rave reviews and cemented Kuching as one of the most attractive tourist destinations, all through word-of-mouth, mass and alternative media.

On the first day, soon as we arrived in Kuching, what impressed me as a first time visitor was its cleanliness and lack of potholes on the road but I digress.

One thing about this festival which I was struck with was its lack of pretension whereby music lovers got to mingle closely with the performers, thus making the atmosphere relaxing. It was also perfectly fine to go in shorts, singlet and barefooted, even. The overall experience was further enhanced by the fact that the festival was held amidst the cool and lushly forest.

Several foreign visitors, whom I had the privilege of talking to, gave their thumbs-up to the festival and some of them were in fact, seasoned goers. This year’s festival saw performers hailing from Canada/China, Chile, Korea, Finland, Tanzania, United States of America, Portugal, Indonesia, France, Poland, Hungary, New Zealand, Morocco and of course, Malaysia.

During one of the evenings, there was intermittent rain causing the ground to be muddy but it didn’t dampen the festival-goers’ spirits a bit. However, the smaller turnout compared to the preceding year was a letdown, partly due to the fear of Influenza A (H1N1)

As its name suggests, the Rainforest World Music Festival features “world music” which includes various music workshops held during daytime where almost all musicians from the participating groups get together for a jamming cum learning session. During this time, the musicians will share information pertaining to the instruments they play. In the evening, however, the groups will take turns to perform throughout the 3-day festival. Year after year, different groups from all over the world are invited to showcase their brands of music to those in attendance.

For those interested in going for the next edition, bear in mind that this being a festival that features mainly traditional and fusion music, naturally most of the performers are not as high-profile as the mainstream artistes we are usually exposed to, via MTV and regular airplay. Anyone expecting slick dance moves accompanied by sexy dancers, electronica or head-banging session will be in for a major disappointment.

As for yours truly, I had a ball time and plans are afoot to go there again next year, hopefully with the same group of people.

The 4 lads from Liverpool

Despite what the detractors would have us believe, the 4 most celebrated Liverpudlians are John, Paul, George and Ringo; not Dalglish, Keegan, Rush and Gerrard.Collectively, these Liverpool’s favourite sons made up The Beatles, the most successful music group of all time for not only are they the undisputed holders of the most #1 hits as a band, changed the way music sounds, serve as inspiration to countless other bands until today and they also birthed “Yesterday”, the most covered song of all time. Even after disbandment, they went on to become accomplished solo performers in their own rights, chalking up no.1 hits independently of each other.

However, before they struck big time, The Beatles underwent numerous changes in their line-up most notably with Pete Best and Stuart Sutcliffe. The circumstances surrounding the quitting of Pete Best, their former drummer; are still shrouded in mystery. Popular opinion has it that he was the best looking of the lot and that attracted too much attention, thus eclipsing the band as a whole and the nagging suspicion that he was seen as maverick only exacerbated things. Stuart Sutcliffe, on the other hand, was a bassist who fell in love with a German, Astrid Kirchherr whilst the group was touring Germany and eventually opted out of the band. For the uninitiated, Stuart Sutcliffe will always be remembered as the member who gave the band its name though it was initially spelled as The Beetles, a sort of homage to both his and John Lennon’s favourite band, Buddy Holly & The Crickets. Astrid Kirchherr is credited by many as the person who influenced the rest of the members to sport the mop-top hairstyle. Eventually, the band settled on Richard Starkey, who’s more popularly known by Ringo Starr. This final line-up would eventually proceed to take the world by storm.

Yet, ironically, the executives at Decca Records myopically refused to sign them on as recording band quoting the now infamous line “guitar bands are on their way out”. This unfortunate incident has now been dubbed as “The Decca audition” and ranked as one of the biggest mistakes in music history. Decca’s loss was Parlophone’s gain as they saw it fit to sign The Beatles as recording band and the person responsible for this was none other than Sir George Martin. The latter would go on to produce many of the band’s successful albums until he was surprisingly dropped in favour of Phil Spector. Notwithstanding, Sir George Martin will always be referred to, as the 5th Beatle. Unbeknownst to many, he also contributed the piano solo part in one of the group’s hits, “In My Life”

It didn’t take long before The Beatles had their first #1 hit in 1962 with “From Me to You” but success in USA continued to elude them. Seeing how their countryman, Cliff Richard tried but failed to make it big there, The Beatles bide their time. Their big break came in 1964 when “I Want to Hold Your Hand” topped the Billboard charts. Suddenly, they found themselves the darling of the American public and their subsequent appearance on The Ed Sullivan show only propelled their fame further. 75% of the American public who watched television on that fateful night tuned into this show. Later in the same year, they held the top 5 positions on the Billboard Hot 100 singles chart. Now, 45 years later, not a single act has managed to duplicate this feat. With the conquering of USA, it could finally be said that the music world was in their hands.

The Beatles’ phenomenal success paved the way for other British acts to stamp their mark on the music scene. Acts like The Rolling Stones, The Animals, Petula Clark, Dusty Springfield, Gerry & The Pacemakers, Herman’s Hermit, The Kinks, The Who, et al all benefited from the opening of floodgates by none other than The Beatles. The successes of these British acts are now known as The British Invasion. The American media then proclaimed England as the centre of music and fashion world. Hardly an exaggeration really, since the then British fashion also complemented their brand of music well.

From then on, nothing seemed capable of stopping The Beatles’ scale to greater popularity. Not even when John Lennon cheekily remarked that “We (The Beatles) are more popular than Jesus now” did it severely dent their popularity though it generated short-lived adverse publicity and the American radio stations refused to play their songs for a while. All things considered, this did little damage to their career in the States.Throughout this group’s lifespan, they were influenced by various artistes. Those who follow their career will notice that The Beatles evolved from a band which sang mainly about “matters of the heart” to some things of more substance. For this, they had Bob Dylan to thank for. Bob Dylan is widely acknowledged as one of the greatest poet lyricists and when The Beatles were told that their lyrics meant little, it spurred the band to change. In turn, Bob Dylan was also influenced by The Beatles when he started to experiment with electric instruments at Newport Folk Festival, much to the chagrin of the crowd who thought he had discarded his roots in folk rock.

The other peers worth mentioning are Beach Boys, an American band. Many musical watchers believe there was an intense but healthy rivalry between these 2 bands as evident by their albums. Their respective albums “A Hard Day’s Night” and “The Beach Boys Today!” were selling briskly but The Beatles next project, “Rubber Soul” raised the bar with the incorporation of sitar amongst other things. Brian Wilson, the brains behind the American band acknowledged that this album had no poor tracks and was inspired to produce a better album which would be subsequently known as “Pet Sounds” When it was finally released, Paul McCartney readily paid tribute to their American counterparts, saying it was his favourite album. Not known for resting on their laurels, The Beatles followed it up with the revolutionary album “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”, which spent 15 weeks on top of the Billboard charts. This led Brian Wilson to stop competing with The Beatles and finally put paid to the competition between these 2 bands.

Unfortunately, due to deep seated differences amongst band members, they finally called time on the band in 1970. Any faint hope of a reunion was all but dashed when John Lennon was gunned down by Mark David Chapman in 1980. Until today, The Beatles are still a force to be reckoned with, and interests in the band have not waned for they have already inscribed themselves into the rock & roll pantheon.

In 1999, as expected, The Beatles were included in Time magazine's list of The Most Important People of the 20th Century.