Malaysian football supporters are a fickle-minded lot

I don’t know what plagues fellow Malaysians but they sure do like to bask in the limelight by associating themselves with winners and will not hesitate to switch allegiance depending on which club wins.

I am talking about sports in particular, football. This is a football mad country, nothing wrong with that because it is both the most watched and most popular sport in the world. But I have an issue with the local football fans.

Take for instance, Chelsea Football Club. Only recently, they have only become strong, thanks largely to the impressive spending power of their owner, Roman Abramovich who brought in big star players and a big mouthed football manager who has since left to manage Inter Milan in Italy.

This club finally clinched the Premier League title in 2004-05 season, ending the title drought of 50 long years when they last won the 1954-55 season in the then, Football League 1st Division. Overnight, we saw so many Chelsea supporters proudly showing their affiliation with the club through displaying of the club’s merchandise in cars and donning the jersey. Prior to this, were they cooped up in a cave somewhere and only upon their club winning the title, released from the cave? This sounds far-fetched. Therefore, the only plausible explanation is that these supporters are glory hunters.

Another sudden and mysterious emergence of so many fans albeit of a different club was when Arsenal won the league in 1997-98 season and the numbers just multiplied when “The Invincibles” team won the 2003-04 season unbeaten. However, in recent years these so called Gunners are not as ubiquitous as during the club’s glorious years. Ever wondered where they are now? Most of them are Chelsea supporters now. If Manchester United wins this season’s Premiership title, rest assured these supporters will jump ship.

Mark my words, in the future, if Port Vale F.C or Millwall F.C manages to gain promotion to the Premier League and subsequently win the league, many Malaysians will automatically pride themselves as supporters of either club in an instant. Never mind that as of now, they have not heard of these 2 clubs.

Liverpool supporters have my greatest admiration. Even though this club last won the league title when dinosaurs were still roaming the earth, the supporters still stay loyal and proud of it too, until today.

Are all vegetarians kind-hearted souls?

By nature, humans are omnivorous. However, choosing herbivore lifestyle is gaining currency all over the world either due to reason of religiosity, health or compassion towards animals. Undeniably it’s a noble choice to be a vegetarian and no vegetarian should be subjected to unsavoury remarks or being treated insensitively. Hopefully, one fine day, I would also be able to hop into the vegetarian bandwagon after I’ve successfully weaned myself of Bak Kut Teh. Knowing me, it would be a tall order.

For the health freaks, it would be useful to know that being vegetarian is not a sure-fire way to leading a healthier lifestyle. The jury is out whether humans are able to derive maximum benefits out of a diet which is strictly devoid of meat simply for the reason that humans’ diet does require a healthy balance of meat and vegetables intake.
If that’s not convincing enough, the late Linda McCartney was a popular vegetarian who had breast cancer which took her life eventually, so too was Olivia Newton John but the latter survive the cancer scare.

Being compassionate towards animals is also another reason why people choose to shun meat. Adherents of certain religions like Mahayana Buddhism and Hinduism or kind atheists belong to this category. These people believe that animals have every right to live, just like humans do; therefore it’s inhumane to kill them for their meat.
Any visit to the slaughterhouse will confirm this to be true as prior to being killed, it is as if the condemned animals know the fate awaiting them and will put up a struggle. Some even shed tears. It is truly a pitiful sight and definitely not for the faint-hearted. Insensitive this may sound but this morbid visit is highly recommended to those who need an impetus to turn vegetarian instantly.

Many of us have the mistaken view that Buddhist clergies are compelled to be vegetarians. While it is true with the Mahayana tradition (widely practised in East Asian countries like China, Vietnam, Korea and Japan), it is foreign to the Theravadin tradition (widely practised in Sri Lanka, Thailand, Cambodia & Myanmar). In fact, Buddha ate meat and didn’t ban His followers from eating meat. However, He did discourage His followers to kill with the sole intention to partake in the meat; neither did He allow them to commission others to kill on their behalf in order to consume the meat. He went so far as to disallow His believers to work as butchers and that monks must decline to eat meat as offered by the lay-people if they suspect the animal was specifically killed as offering. It goes without saying He taught that there is no basis in sacrificing animals to be offered as prayers. That is why in Buddhism; food of any kind is not offered as prayers. A proof of his seriousness in treating lives as precious is the inclusion of “killing is strictly forbidden” as one of the 5 basic tenets in Buddhism every Buddhist should follow.

What Buddha did is a proof of his compassion but why did he stop short of compelling his followers to only partake in vegetarian food? Come to think of it, it is only natural that if the consumption of meat stops, the killing ends. It is because of what he did not do; his religious order was split when his cousin, Devadatta, also a monk; raised hue and cry that Buddhism should reject meat outright and that monks must not consume meat.
Naturally, one would think Devadatta’s request was not unreasonable.

This knowledge stupefied me for years but my confusion was finally put to rest when I had a discourse on vegetarianism with a senior Theravadin monk in Lunas, Kedah. Regardless of whether one is a vegetarian or otherwise is not a good judgment of one’s character. Some vegetarians are under the illusion that by just eating vegetables, they do not contribute to killing, not realising that pesticide is generously sprayed all over the farm where the vegetables are grown. It is also of no use if one is vegetarian but continues to harbour ill-will towards other human beings.

Back to Devadatta, opposing Buddha on meat-eating was not the only vile acts he committed. Seeing that he failed to gain the upper hand, he resorted to inebriating an elephant named “Nalagiri” to kill Buddha. By so doing, he did 2 acts of cruelty, cruelty to animal and intending to kill another man.
Throughout history, we can also see how some vegetarians embarked on a killing spree from Pol Pot, Charles Manson, Volkert Van der Graaf to Adolf Hitler. The German Fuhrer was even a teetotaller and did not smoke.

How do you love Malaysia? Let me count the ways

Are you one of the many people who are sick of politicians annually questioning the loyalty and patriotism of fellow Malaysians every Merdeka month?

To the politicians, it seems the only way to gauge one’s patriotism is whether she displays Jalur Gemilang (Malaysian flag).This is the most simplistic way of judging nationalistic fervour. Truth be known, flag is sacrosanct to every country and in no way, should we subject it to soot and grime but instead, should always handle it with great protocol and care. Certainly, to garb in it is to show disrespect. Worse still, some ignorant patriots proudly display flag but don’t even know how to fold it or subject it to wear and tear after a certain period of time.

Let me state unequivocally that it is of no point displaying flags but continue to:

1. Condone kickback when handing out contracts or when detaining people for criminal acts.

2. Pit Malaysians against each other through spewing of racist remarks and implementation of policies detrimental to Malaysians of other races.

3. Muzzle the media and subject them to yearly renewal of licence.

4. Unilaterally detain political dissents under the draconian ISA.

5. Ignore all (study or business) loans which have been given.

6. Not granting permission to build places of worship for other religions.

7. Flagrantly commit crimes, no matter how minor.

8. Have double standards by conveniently applying two different laws for people.

9. Deny people legal recourse at secular courts.

10. Dirty public places by leaving rubbish everywhere after having good time at waterfalls.

11. Make political parties the sole domain for certain races.

12. Suppress Malaysians rights to have mature discourse.

Admittedly, there are many Malaysians who do not readily display our flag but that doesn’t mean we are any less patriotic than the flag-waving Malaysians.

Next time before you accuse other Malaysians of not being patriotic enough, it will be helpful to put your own house in order first.

Divide & Rule still prevalent?

History has a habit of being conveniently reinterpreted by victors or those who have gained liberation from their former political masters. When we were impressionably young, our teachers instilled in us that the British were evil because they propagated the “Divide and Rule” system of governance on its Malayan subjects of various races so that we would not stand united to fight against them and in the absence of this unity, the British would be able to tighten their ruling grip on the country.

To further augment their point, our teachers would often cite the classic example of Chinese living in urban areas, Malays in kampongs and the Indians concentrated mainly in rubber plantations. Of course, I accepted this line of argument as sacred truth but inexplicably, it dawned upon me somehow that this could not be a deliberate act by the British. The way I see it now, it’s just a natural development that we lived in different settings then.

Let’s reflect for a moment, before our Chinese and Indian forebears immigrated here, were the towns and estates already in existence? I doubt so. It was only after we extracted tin and tilled the land that the older generations eventually developed the areas they lived in. Consequently, what was a forest transformed into town. If you accept this reasoning as logical, you will realise that we had been accepting blindly what was told to us.

Fast forward to the present, the British had left and we are the rightful masters of our country but the real “Divide and Rule” method is actually taking place now. Look no further than our public higher institutions of learning where the intake of students tilts towards certain people. Apart from that, our politicians always pit fellow Malaysians against each other by their incendiary remarks smacks of racism. Even certain political parties open exclusively to the races they represent; UMNO, MCA and MIC quickly come to mind. On the other hand, regardless of whether you are a Malay, Chinese or Indian, you can always join the DAP or Parti Keadilan Rakyat as members.

Some people just can’t afford to allow Malaysians of all races to be truly united because if we are allowed to, there won’t be any more smokescreens for them to continue plundering the country’s wealth. To my fellow beloved Malaysians; I say this to you, “United We Stand, Divided We Fall. Or should I say, “Bersatu Kita Teguh, Bercerai Kita Roboh”?

"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools." - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Waiter, there's a cock in my soup!"

Hearing mouse-like sounds being made in eateries is second nature to anyone who has been living in Malaysia for more than a day.

This disrespectful call to attention by patrons of restaurants is a recent phenomenon, no longer than 15 years, I guesstimate. Seriously, I cringe whenever I hear this sound being made.

Is it because Malaysians generally look down on those who wait at their tables that they have to do this kind of annoying sound when they can always substitute it with a spoken word like “Hello” or “Excuse me”?

Malaysians of all races are guilty of this. I think this fad was started by Malaysian Chinese youths who not too long ago, would make this sound when they saw pretty girls walking past. It goes without saying; these pathetic losers didn’t warrant a look from their targets. Unfortunately, we have now adopted this practice to be used on waiters instead.

Consider this; do you think the same rude Malaysians will do the same to their parents or the waiters at posh restaurants?

I have always thought that people who do this show very badly on their moral standings.
It’s time we stopped doing this. Waiters may not earn that much but there’s 1 similarity between them and us, we are all humans.

The So Called High-Class Residential Areas

It’s undeniable that our country has progressed tremendously and along with it, nudges her people towards upward mobility. The result we see now is a sizeable Malaysians who belong to the middle class or higher.

Nothing is more evident by the mushrooming of new houses courtesy of various developers in catering to the Malaysian nouveau riche.
But we are now witnessing an alarming trend associated with this positive development.
Allow me to justify, I was born and raised in a place called Kepong. Previously this place was regarded as a less than savoury place in KL, fit for people with dubious backgrounds and secret societies were in abundance. There may be a semblance of truth to this but times have changed and today’s Kepong is no longer its former shadow self.

This change is attributed to the fact that we are experiencing land scarcity in KL due to massive migration of people from other states and the birth of more families. For convenience sake, people do want to live near to the city centre and since other places have no more land for further development, naturally developers eye newer untapped places to fulfil these people’s needs. Kepong benefited from this.

Unfortunately, some highly delusional people embarked on an ambitious plan to house rich people yet were very embarrassed by the painful truth that the very land they wanted to develop is situated in Kepong. That could be solved or so they thought, by building new houses and when completed, eradicated whatever association these projects have with seedy Kepong by conveniently adding the name “Damansara” into the new addresses. Better still, have a new postcode instead of 52100.

Suddenly, Damasara is closer to Kepong than ever before and no, it’s not due to the LDP highway but some deceitful acts. If you ask me, there’s no logic why these latest housing estates are called Damansara instead of Kepong since they are actually nearer to Kepong than Damansara! Maybe, this was done to placate equally delusional home buyers that no, they were not going to buy homes in Kepong. Reality bites; therefore, let us all collectively pull the wool over own eyes.
Ironically, some of these home owners used to live within a stone’s throw away in a place called Kepong and some are involved in illegal businesses. What a joke.

Moving away from Kepong, KL has another up and coming new housing project called, lo and behold, Vivaldi! Why they settled on this name is anyone’s guess. I can only hazard a guess that it invokes a feeling of sophistication. It’s not that this hugely popular Venetian music composer was buried in the very ground the structure is built on and neither will he rise from dead to play The Four Seasons the moment the residents reach home after a long and tiring day. I reckon the person who came up with this name for this housing project was probably bankrupted of ideas.

So, moving onwards, what can we expect? Maybe, as I’m writing this piece, an intelligent housing developer might have decided on another new housing estate and it would be called The Picasso-Mozart-Shakespearean-Da Vinci Garden.

What a mouthful but don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.

One of the best jobs in the world

There is one special profession, which doesn’t distinguish whether the interested parties are graduates or non-graduates so long they have the strongest of mind and thickest of skin. However, dynamic acting skills are a pre-requisite to excel in its nature of job.

I’m talking about begging. Begging is ubiquitous in almost all countries, even the United States of America has these “professionals” I’m not wrong at all to label them as professionals because some really work full time as beggars. Who wouldn’t, because in a good day, these professionals can rake in a lot of money? There are beggars who are richer than both you and I combined and this is certainly not an exaggeration.

Apparently, several years ago, it was reported in a local Chinese newspaper on the discovery of a beggar who afforded his children overseas education! Then, there was another one which I saw with my own eyes whilst in primary school, a picture appeared in another Chinese newspaper of an old lady entering a chauffeur-driven Benz. Nothing wrong with that you may think but moments earlier, this swindler queued-up to receive donation from kind donors meant for her fellow oldies living in an old folks’ home.

Of all the different beggars found in Malaysia, no one angers me more than those hiding behind the religious cloak to swindle money from gullible Malaysians. Here, I would like to share tips on how to spot a bogus Buddhist monk from The Real McCoy. To the uninitiated, real monks are only allowed to have several essentials in his possession and they are robe (to cover modesty), alms bowl (strictly for food), razor (to shave their head), a modest shelter and medicine. Any other things not expressed here are considered luxury items, money included. In the olden days, even a pair of slippers was something foreign to Buddhism but times have changed and the religious order now makes allowance for slippers to protect the soles.

In addition to that, monks are expressly discouraged from partaking food after 12 noon. Taking all these into consideration, those robe wearing swindlers are definitely fleecing the unsuspecting public by peddling religious items in their alms bowls when the only item allowed in it is food given by followers. Malaysians who consider themselves Buddhists are partly to blame for allowing this problem to fester due to their ignorance of the very religion they claim to profess. Thais, Sri Lankans, Burmese and Cambodians will definitely see through the impersonators’ ruse because not only do their knowledge of their religion is more solid but back home and by the virtue of being Buddhist countries, the monks there do go out for their alms round every morning to receive food offering from the locals. In Malaysia, monks are not allowed to do that en-masse because of religious sensitivity since ours is not a Buddhist country. So, next time you come across “monks” walking from table to table seeking donation, you may ignore them. In Petaling Street, the “monks” just stand stationary at strategic places. Those are impersonators as well.

Lately, we are also witnessing many old beggars who are Mainland Chinese coming here to beg. These people are definitely brought into Malaysia by syndicates. Here, I would like to stimulate your thought awhile, how can beggars afford to buy plane tickets to come here to Malaysia for begging?

The other type of beggars is the donation seekers representing charitable organisations but these beggars are more dignified because they just have to carry files with a lot of pictures depicting the less fortunate people. I may sound like a cynic to you but I’ve been cheated for far too many times and it is out of civic-consciousness on my part that I am to here to prevent more people from falling victims to these dastardly scams.

If you are still keen on performing good deeds, you might want to consider buying provisions instead of donating money and send these items personally to the charitable organisations of your choice. This is what I do and while I realise even this method is not fool-proof, at least you have some control measures in place.

Otherwise, continue being a gullible fool. Your loss is the conmen’s gain.

Good luck.

Shorties in the world, unite!

Anyone who knows me personally and is not retarded should be able to figure out that I lack in the height department.

Today, I’m going to write about my kind. If you are a shorty and happen to read this, you ought to be proud of yourself for we have been mesmerising mankind for as long as mankind itself, evident by countless folklore, stereotypical stories, movies and books and even anthropological studies.

What is it about us that interest so many people? One thing’s for sure, it’s definitely not due to romantic perception because to many uninterested suitors, short people are just plain undesirable, to put it bluntly. Don’t concur? Just ask Dopey, Grumpy, Doc, Happy, Bashful, Sneezy and Sleepy! Snow White opted for a prince at their expense. Findings from numerous studies also lend credence to my view that women generally prefer tall men to be their partners because they are seen to be healthier, thus able to produce better offspring. Yes, humans may have evolved but we still maintain certain animalistic traits.

Recently, the current French president, Nicolas Sarkozy made news for the wrong reasons, which provided unwitting gags to the international community. His minders saw it fit to selectively ask short workers from a factory he was visiting to appear alongside him in a televised speech so that no one would be seen dwarfing him. That’s not all, at a D-Day commemoration; he delivered a speech whilst standing on a stool behind the dais. He probably did this because 2 other leaders who showed up for the ceremony, President Obama and Prime Minister Gordon Brown are taller than he is.

I find all these rather amusing because here’s a president of a country with the 5th largest economy in the world, yet he still feels insecure about his diminutiveness. Lest you think he’s the shortest leader in the world today, there’s a leader who’s even more modest in height and he is Dmitry Medvedev, the incumbent President of Russia.

If Mr. Sarkozy needs any inspiration from a fellow shorty, he should look no further than his compatriot, Napoleon Bonaparte, the greatest shorty ever. This is an indisputable statement. In his heyday, Napoleon struck fear in many peoples’ mind, so brilliant a strategist he was that he conquered Europe and beyond until The Battle of Waterloo sealed his fate.

Napoleon was so great that he spawns a psychological theory “Napoleon syndrome.” According to psychologists, it’s a term to describe short people who aggressively over excel in their chosen fields to compensate for their limited stature.

Truth be known, the cynical side of me used to believe that successful short people was just mere coincidence and that height had nothing to do with achievements. In fact, I happily concurred with many studies that tall people have many advantages compared to their shorter counterparts in career advancement because short people tend to be viewed suspiciously and unfairly as being more untrustworthy. Then, something jolted me; the people who hold high positions in my company are not very tall. This discovery has started to raise my suspicion about the validity of such studies. Needless to say, I always bear the brunt of colleagues’ jokes that by the virtue of my height, I will be the next big thing in the company. Well, sorry to disappoint you jokers, but I am the exception to the company’s norm.

I would like to share an incident which I will never forget for its combination of sarcasm and humour was when a Chinaman remarked to me several years ago that there were only 2 types of people that he feared, The Hooked-Nose and The Shorties.

If you ever wonder whether I would consider going under the knife to increase my height, my answer is a resounding “NO” because I’ve always consoled myself that there are many famous short people who have made names for themselves, some of them are listed below, together with their height measurement:

• Danny DeVito (Actor)                                                     5’0”
• Edith Piaf (Legendary French Singer)                               4’8”
• Voltaire (French Philosopher)                                          5’3”
• Igor Stravinsky (Composer)                                            5’4”
• St. Francis of Assisi (Patron Saint of Animal)                   5’1”
• Pablo Picasso (Painter)                                                   5’4”
• Madonna (Singer)                                                           5’4”
• Deng Xiaoping (former president of China)                      5’0”
• Joseph Stalin (former leader of USSR)                            5’6”
• Martin Scorsese (Director)                                              5’3”
• Marquis de Sade (French Writer & Poet)                        5’3”
• Al Pacino (Actor)                                                            5’6”
• F. Scott Fitzgerald (Novelist)                                          5’7”
• Ludwig V. Beethoven (Composer)                                 5' 3¾"
• Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi                                     5’3”